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This $200 hair brush by Mason Pearson is missing one key feature

Hey it’s tax time, and a gal’s got to splurge one in a while. I’ve got a little hair tool addiction, so I headed over to peruse Amazon’s luxury beauty category. So. Much. Goodness! Luxury hair straighteners, luxury blow dryers, all luxury everything! There on the page, a single link catches my eye… Luxury hair brushes? Let’s see what a luxury hair brush looks like. What I found amazed me. I found out that a company called Mason Pearson has the cojones to sell…

A $200.00 hair brush.

That’s not a typo, and despite today’s date it isn’t an April Fool’s joke. A room full of people at Mason Pearson thought “Hey, there’s got to be a bunch of suckers consumers out there that are crazy enough have a real need for a $200 hair brush.” I couldn’t believe it. I shared it with all of my friends and they couldn’t believe it either. It isn’t electric, it isn’t ceramic titanium diamond nano coated with diamond infused negative ion generators, it doesn’t even have bluetooth. I bought a new flat iron and moved on… or so I thought. That Mason Pearson brush haunted me. The verified reviews from people who actually bought this thing are positively glowing. How much better than my $15 brush could a half-my-car-payment hair brush be?  It isn’t even possible that it’s worth the money, is it? Is it really “not a brush, but the hands of God” as one verified review states? The “Ferrari of hair brushes”, really? So I went ahead and did the stupidest thing I’ve done that didn’t involve too many margaritas while on spring break…

I  bought a $200.00 Mason Pearson hair brush.

Want instant buyer’s remorse? Spend 25 times more than something is worth on a whim. Almost immediately I tried to back out, but I placed the order so close to the shipping cutoff that I couldn’t cancel it. Well, I’m the proud owner of a Mason Pearson hair brush that is worth more than all of the hair brushes I have bought in my entire adult life. Two day later, my UPS driver unceremoniously tossed my 8 billion dollar hair brush on the front steps like it was 5 dollar tupperware. Doesn’t he know what we’re dealing with here? How rude.Mason Pearson Brush

Unboxing my new 47 million dollar hair brush was a giant disappointment. Angels didn’t come down and sing, rays of light didn’t shine from the box, confetti didn’t spring forth creating a festive party atmosphere for me to enjoy while I tested my new Mason Pearson. The box looks like something out of a Sears & Roebuck catalog, like it’s been sitting on a shelf since 1939, when it was the pinnacle of product packaging design.

So… what’s so great about a $200.00 hair brush?

Immediately I began looking for the button to connect my new 6 trillion dollar Mason Pearson brush to wifi, but to my dismay I couldn’t find it. I ran my hands over the bristles and was amazed that they felt remarkably similar to actual hair brush bristles. It’s a combination of nylon and boar hair bristles- apparently boar hair must be as valuable as saffron. It has a logo stamped in what looks to be real gold, and if it isn’t I’m going to just go ahead and pretend that’s 24 karat. HOLD THE PHONE what’s this? This hair brush has its own hair brush that takes the hair out of the hair brush. There’s an Xzibit meme in here somewhere, wait for it…

Xzibit approves of mason pearson hair brushes

I held the beautifully balanced brush in my hand, brought it to my head, unicorns sprung out from behind the couch and rainbows flung forth from my new brush. No they didn’t. I ran it through my hair and it felt remarkably like… running a brush through my hair. My hair was smooth, and the brush worked with no snags or tangles, so I guess that justifies the purchase? The overall experience was very similar to damn near every hair brush I’ve ever used in my entire life.

I needed a second opinion, so I searched out my 5 year old daughter. When I told her I wanted to brush her hair, she grabbed her dollar store brush that we have to use every day because it has Shopkins on it. No no, sweetie- tonight we’re going to use Mommy’s new Mason Pearson brush, it cost about the same as half the GDP of Indonesia and it’s super special. 3 strokes in, we’re back to using that damn plastic Shopkins brush. This little girl has no culture.

Do I regret spending $200.00 on a Mason Pearson brush?

No way. Do you know what a conversation starter this bad boy is? I used to be intimidated by rich old ladies, now I find ways to casually work owning my very own Mason Pearson into conversations while they’re in ear shot. It does feel kind of hollow without the Bentley, summer house in the Hamptons or the Hermes, but hey I’m working my way up.

Although I don’t (fully) regret my purchase, here’s a list of things that I would rather spend $200 on than a Mason Pearson Brush

  • A Thursday off work to watch the guy that does the landscaping in my condo complex in all his shirtless glory
  • A facial
  • Christian Louboutin So Kate heels in black (ok, I’ll kick in the extra $50)
  • 160 Dark Chocolate Almond Mint Kind bars
  • 25 Wet detangling brushes
  • 16 Patron margaritas (with tip)
  • A trip from Boston to New York to Boston to New York to Boston
  • Half my car payment

So who should buy a $200.00 Mason Pearson hair brush?

  • Ultra high end hair stylists that need something to justify a $350 salon visit. Wave this around with a little pomp and circumstance and no one will bat an eye. ‘Scuse me, Mason Pearson coming through, ‘scuse me! I’ve got a review of a $400 flat iron coming for these folks too- you’re gonna love it!
  • Manhattan socialite moms that want to ensure that the nanny is using the very best on their precious children’s hair.
  • Someone who is looking for an heirloom quality hairbrush that can be passed down through generations. Your great-great grandkids will fight over this brush someday.
  • People who don’t believe reviews and want to experience it for themselves. In fact, you can use this handy link right here and help me recoup the cost of buying mine Mason Pearson Popular Mixture Hair Brush

So what was that key factor that was missing?

Value. There is literally no rational reason in the world to spend $200 on a hair brush. Want to know the difference between a $200 hair brush and a $15 hair brush? $185.

 

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